Have you ever been deeply offended by someone you don't know, and try as hard as you might, can't get that offensive comment/remark/thought/gesture out of your system? I very rarely give much thought to rude or offensive people, I try to just let it go, but this particular woman gets on my every nerve. This is going to be a vent post, I don't want to offend anyone, so put your headphones on if you're feeling particularly sensitive today. I've been offended and need to talk/write it out.
There is a difference between confident and being vain, self-satisfied, egocentric, pompous, arrogant, my way or the highway... you get the idea. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but you don't have to shove it down people's throats.
I was following a blog for a while, this person also runs a facebook page for military spouses, and sometimes answers questions with what at first appeared to be heartfelt insight but upon further reading, she's quite the heartless Princess. Her way or no way, and don't you DARE question her judgement, she'll turn your words around so quickly you're head will spin.
From bashing people for talking to their Soldier TOO MUCH during deployment, (Yes, you read that right), telling women that "the only thing that is going to change when he deploys is the fact that he will not be there," to being just downright filthy in her vocabulary. The woman has no class, and the only reason that this gets to me so much, is that she's placed herself in this position of "self-proclaimed godliness" and new military wives are coming to her and facing her malicious judgement.
All of this is worthy of conversation, but the quote that most aggravated me was this, "Marriage is not an accomplishment."
While in some ways I whole-heartily agree with this statement, the woman declaring this statement is not, nor has she ever been, married herself. With an attitude about marriage that she has, I hope for her sake (and that of her "significant other") that her stance changes before she ever considers getting married. It wasn't so much the statement that bothered me, more her cavalier attitude about marriage and divorce statistics. If you get married, for the sole purpose of getting married, then yes, you're destined for failure, but if you get married knowing what it stands for, and for the right reasons, it doesn't matter if you've been together for twenty years or twenty minutes, you shouldn't be told your marriage means any less.
The act of getting married is not the accomplishment. The accomplishment is in finding the person that you were meant to share the rest of your life with, and publicly, spiritually, emotionally, and physically committing to see the journey through to eternity. Her claim that absolutely nothing changes after you're married is also preposterous. (How would she even know?)
No, a magic Marriage Fairy is not going to come by and sprinkle magic relationship changing dust on you and your husband as you walk down the aisle, but the relationship does in fact change. In my personal experience, it brought us to a new emotional level, there is something deeply moving in calling someone your husband, and them calling you their wife. You enter a world where you are no longer him and her, but a united front. It is a higher level of commitment, one that goes across the boards, financial, emotional, social, familial. One that you will only experience with the right person, and once you've actually taken the plunge.
You don't want to get married? Don't believe in what it stands for, or don't think it's necessary, by all means, PLEASE DON'T. However, keep your rude, unversed, hurtful remarks about the sanctity of marriage to yourself. Some of us truly value the commitment and work that is a true marriage, and don't appreciate someone that's never been married belittling the act, but then, we wouldn't ask a Doctor to look at the broken furnace right?
I will no longer be reading her blog, her language is enough to make one's ears ring, and while I'm no saint, I don't feel the need to write like that in my blog. I just prefer not to read lines and lines of curse words when a well placed adjective could do the job.
There are plenty of well-spoken, well-written, military wife blogs out there that don't make my blood boil. I am forever thankful for those women.
Now that I'm feeling a little less aggravated, I just want to ask one last question:
Why do people view having a child with someone as LESS of a commitment than getting married? This will forever stump me. ( I mean this like "we're going to try to have a baby, but we're not ready to get married, that's too much of a commitment.")
I think I've done enough talking for one day, I hope I didn't deeply offend anyone, but if I did, please by all means, let me know, I'd love a chance to defend my honor. (Seriously though, don't be shy, there's a comment box for a reason.)
And as always, until next time, you've been Nicked!!