It's like I've been outside of myself for a while, hovering like a ghost above my own body, without being conciously aware of it. If a storm had come I might have been blown away in the wind and lost forever. I've been living in that morning fog before you're fully awake, and now I've finally been able to shake it off and see clearly. I'm laughing, not right this second, but my husband and I are playing again, joking and teasing. Some of the stress from this major life change, the move, and of this upcoming deployment is lifting. No sense in worrying about things that we have no control over, but try telling yourself that, you have to honestly start to feel it.
I haven't just let loose in a long time, just cleared my mind and gave in to the moment. Josh is really good at getting the giggles out of me though. He's a lot like a little boy, as I'm coming to realize most men are, and I think that works well for us. Every once in a while I need him to snap me out of "Responsible" mode, so I can be ME. I have no problem letting loose with the kids, playing toy story characters or making silly animal noises, but there is level of letting loose that's harder to reach on an adult level.
My Mom came to visit me this last week, and we had a really good time just hanging out around the house. It was really nice to see Lincoln play with his Memaw again, he loves her in a very extra special way. I miss her when we're not together, but it was nice that when she was here I didn't feel sad about it. I wasn't caught up on the fact that I only had a week with her. I think my mindset is changing, I'm a real Army Wife now.
I feel like I'm growing up in a big way, I don't need my parents to be physically near by, because I've always known emotionally we're together. I can stand on my own two feet, I have my own family to lead now, and I'm ready for the job. My first rule, LAUGHTER is a must. :)
I whole-heartidly recommend you let your husband hang you upside down by your feet, you have a pillow fight, or whatever it is that makes you laugh. Get some old games out, board games, video games, word games, it doesn't really matter and get into it!! Laugh until you cry, make your own inside jokes, wink at each other. It feels so good to just play.
Kids play all the time, when do we stop playing? Why?! I vow to never stop playing, never stop laughing, no matter how much stress, or tragedy is going on around us, it's only the end of the world when we stop doing what makes us happy. It's not hard to have fun, you just have to put yourself out there.
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insain." - Robert Frost
Have a laugh with me, and until next time, you've been Nicked!