He makes it easy to love him so much....

"I wake day or night, suit and boot, for the safety of my people, my family, my love... my life." (It's not much but it's for you baby, I love you) - Joshua Reeves

Thursday, January 27, 2011

What We've Decided...

My husband is getting snipped.

I suppose the politically correct way to say this would be, my husband is getting a vasectomy.

Either way, we're done with our baby making. We have two perfectly happy, healthy, amazing children and we couldn't ask for anything more. Our family is at the perfect size for us, one child per arm, or one per parent. Knowing in the future there will be plenty of times where Josh is gone and I'll be the single parent played a lot into the decision, at least for me.

I will admit though, that for a while there I just couldn't commit to the idea of never having another child with Josh. With how perfect the first two came out, why wouldn't we want a few more? I had to look deep inside and really think about it.

Lincoln was our planned baby, we couldn't have been more excited when we found out we were expecting. It was a pretty smooth pregnancy, other than the never ending morning sickness that lasted all day for the entire duration of his womb dwelling. Lincoln Michael was born on April third 2008, at thirty-six weeks, a month earlier than the doctor would have liked, but was a healthy six pound, handsome little devil. They did have to help him breathe when he first came out, but overall it was an amazing experience.

When Lincoln was about eleven months old I found out I was two months pregnant with our daughter, Sophia. I was on birth control pills, and was shocked, to say the least, when I saw those two little pink lines. My friend Amanda had to calm me down, because my first reaction was, "I just had a baby. I can't do this right now! How could I love a baby as much as I love Lincoln. How are we going to afford another baby?" Josh's reaction was even a little more dramatic. Two kids, eighteen months apart, is a pretty big responsibility. As much as we were in love with our first baby, adding one to the mix at this point seemed crazy.

The further along in my pregnancy, this time with very little morning sickness, and not working full-time till the end, the more excited I got. I still remember the day we went to see if we were having a girl or a boy. Josh insisted it was another boy, that his family only puts out boys and he was so sure. When I was pregnant with Lincoln I just knew from the beginning that he was a boy, you can ask my Mother, I told her over and over that it was a boy, despite the fact that she wanted a girl. The second time though, I just didn't know. So when the doctor asked, "See that there?" I said, "Is it a boy?" and she said, "Not with those lady lips."

And so we added Sophia Evelynn to the Reeves family a few days after her due date on October fifth, 2009. She came in to the world at a heavy eight pounds one ounce, and a lot faster than her brother did. I would take her delivery over Lincoln's any day.

I was lucky enough to have Josh and my Mom by my side for both births. I got to see the emotion on my husband's face when he first saw his children. A man I love for his strength and his heart, was moved to tears twice, once for each child. I will cherish those memories forever.

That being said, I want to be able to spend massive amounts of one on one time with the kids. I want them to get to go to Disney Land with Josh and Me and not have one of us off with the younger kids. I want to give them most of the things that they want in this world, and the more kids we add to the mix the more difficult it would be to do those things.

Josh is ready to not stress about another surprise addition, so he's pushed this a little harder than I think he normally would, and I don't blame him for that. The three of us are his family and he's content with us the way we are. While I'm sure I could love another child just as much as I love the first two, I'm content too.

I think one of the biggest things that helped me come to my final decision was the look on Josh's face when he realizes that he's missed something. He's going to continue to be gone for a lot of the next five years, and while he's been lucky to witness a lot of the major milestones of our kids lives, he has missed a lot of the little stuff. It breaks his heart to leave them, and I don't think he'd forgive himself if he missed a birth, or a pregnancy. I think if I'm being honest, it would hurt me too, if he missed something so special.

He also volunteered for this surgery ladies and gents! He insists! Which is amazing to me, I suffered some major pain delivering two kids naturally, with no pain medication what-so-ever (I'm allergic), and so he thinks it's only fair he gets this procedure done. Did I mention I love my husband to pieces... because I really do.

I thought about just getting one of those implants, five years of birth control, and then you can decide if you're done or not. Andrea went that route, which I think is a great option for her since she's only got Meredith, and might change her mind at some point. For me and Josh though, we've decided that we're just done. We don't want to take any chances, we just want to be assured that we're done. We love our children more than life itself, and that's enough for us. We're both so giving and loving, that if for some reason we ever want more children, we'll rescue/adopt a child that needs a good home.

I just wanted to share, this decision was a very personal, hard, and emotional one to make. The journey just made me thankful for everything that I already have though, and now we can make this decision with confidence.

The hubs is getting snipped.

Until next time, you've been Nicked!

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